JS Tip 579: Communicating Person-to-Person

We asked for topics. You gave us topics. We’ll address your topics.

A friend asked us to explore communicating person-to-person. How it works. What to watch out for.

The Example. In a classic Laurel-and-Hardy two-reeler, Stan and Ollie build a house. Ollie lines up a board, holds a nail at the base of the board, and tells Stan, “Alright, Stanley. I’ll hold the nail. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

So what happens? You know what happens. [Nod.] BAM! “AGGHHH!”

The Intended Idea. Every communication has an intended idea. What the person communicating—the sender—intends or hopes to communicate. In Ollie’s case, he wants Stan to hit the nail.

The Perceived Idea. Every communication has a perceived idea. What the person listening (or reading)—the receiver—understands of the communication. In Stan’s case, he thinks (unfortunately for Ollie) he’s supposed to hit Ollie on the head.

The Problem. Communication ain’t easy. Ideas don’t flow from brain to brain (Spock’s mind-meld), but stumble through words, tone, body language, personal background, and cultural understanding.

(An American in London shops for a vest. He’s shown undershirts. The salesperson kindly suggests, “What you’re looking for, sir, is a waistcoat.”)

A Solution. Feedback. Intensive, thorough feedback.

It’s not good enough to ask, “Do you understand?” (“Yup. Sure do.”)

It’s not good enough to say, “Repeat what I’ve asked you to do.” (“You’ll hold the nail. When you nod your head, I’ll hit it with the hammer.”)

It’s got to be more: “Please tell me in your own words what I’ve asked you to do” or “Please describe for me what you’re supposed to do.” Then questions: “What will you hit with the hammer?”

The feedback aligns the intended idea with the perceived idea.

And prevents serious head injury.

We love this stuff.