Tip 693: The Dangers of "I Understand . . . ."

From the Customer Service Workshops: The Dangers of “I Understand . . . .”

When a customer—or a friend—shares a complaint—or a concern—with you, be careful of responding with “I understand what you’re going through” (or “I know how you feel”).  

An “I understand . . . .” or an “I know . . . .” response means a shared experience. It means you’ve been through what your customer or friend are going through. 

An “I understand . . . .” or an “I know . . . .” can prompt the questions, “How do you understand? Have you been through this?” 

And if you haven’t had that experience, you’re left with a “Well, no, not exactly . . . .” which can easily prompt the response, “Then you don’t understand, you don’t know, and please don’t patronize me.”

Long ago, in a customer-service workshop, a fellow raised his hand and offered this experience: “When my son died, well-meaning people said they understood, but they didn’t.”

They couldn’t understand. They meant well, but they hadn’t had the experience.

If they truly did understand, if they’d been through that experience—“I lost my daughter a year ago”—then a bond is established, and the caring is real. 

Otherwise, it’s patronizing. 

Just be careful.  

We love this stuff.